The Dummy's Guide to Increasing Your Awkward Threshold

I have a little bit more to say on the subject of social media, a lot more to say about my movie list, and some creative photography to share.  But all that can wait while you enjoy a good laugh at my expense.

You may recall that your last opportunity to laugh at my expense was after an incident in which I was caught in the driver's seat, joined at the lips while driving my vehicle.  And my track record in the back seat isn't much better.  Needless to say, I've clearly been subconsciously waiting for an awkward moment to occur in the passenger's seat, which would complete my collection of 'vehicular' embarrassing/awkward moments.  Wednesday arrived with a perfect opportunity...

My friend Mandy was playing chauffeur for me, driving in our friends' silver Toyota van as she had just dropped them off at the airport.  I needed to pick up the printed photos for my photovoice project at Walmart before we drove down to Otterburne for an evening with friends.  I had already paid for the prints, so it was a quick stop.  Mandy dropped me off at the doors, and I hurried into the photo centre.  The staff were super-helpful; I was in and out of there in under 45 seconds.  As I exited Walmart, I saw that the silver van was pulled up to the curb so that we could launch straight out of there.  That's like Mandy... she's generally pretty organized and on the ball with that sort of thing.  I hopped into the passenger seat, trying to hurry but still paying close attention to ensure that I did not wrinkle or damage the giant poster-sized photos I was carrying.  It was a Hollywood bank heist moment... you know - when the person jumps into the vehicle with a giant bag of cash and yells, "Drive! drive! drive!" while trying to jam the door closed without losing the loot.  Like I said... I was hurrying;  pie and ice cream with friends was waiting, and ice cream has a limited half-life.

That's when I heard it: "Uh... ma'am?  Wrong vehicle."  I can be kind of jumpy.  A therapist would call it an 'elevated startle response', but whatever you call it, I jumped.  Then - what's worse - I froze.  I heard him say it again, "Ma'am?  Ma'am!  Wrong vehicle!"

The initial jolt of adrenaline wore off.  "Oh my goodness!" might have come out of my mouth, or perhaps something nearer to a shocked scream, or maybe something inappropriate that burned the ears of the children seated in the back of the silver *Kia* van I had entered - I don't remember precisely.  I mumbled an "I am so sorry" as I stumbled out of the vehicle almost as quickly as I had scrambled into it.  Left standing on the curb with my giant posters next to a vehicle full of people who thought I was a crazy person, I tried to gather my scattered wits, looking around for Mandy.  I must have looked like a little lost kitten trying to find its mommy, while the people watching me from the Kia van continued waiting for their own mommy.  I wandered off, trying to appear as if I was moving purposefully.  Deep down inside, I knew that I just looked awkward, so I gave in after a few seconds and called Mandy, who exclaimed, "You're done already?!"

More than done.  "Yup.  I'm done."

A person with substantial experience in navigating awkward moments (me...) once said that "the only thing between you and an outrageously ridiculous, beautifully hilarious story is a single awkward moment."  True that... :)

In closing, my blessing for all of us on this beautiful May day is framed on my bathroom wall:

Laugh as much as you breathe, and love as long as you live.

I would argue - on a level much broader than this discussion of awkward moments - that one cannot love well without laughing often.  In laughing at our own foolishness lies the key to mastering the painful self-consciousness that keeps us from truly seeing (and therefore loving) another.  There's your philosophical moment for this Sunday evening.