eHarmony@Kijiji.ca

I am procrastinating. The best way to procrastinate from one kind of work is by doing another kind of work. That way, I can feed my workaholic inner child and evade the guilty feeling. For example, hang my hammock while procrastinating from house cleaning, house cleaning while procrastinating from homework, homework while procrastinating from job searching, and job searching/house hunting while procrastinating from going to the gym. Ie: Surf Kijiji looking for a summer sublease where I may lay my head at the end of the month.  On that note, did you know that Kijiji has some serious entertainment value? Cheers to some of my favourite finds.

Posted on April 12:

Wanted: So this may sound a bit odd but bear with me. I'm getting married in late May, and my fiancée had once told me that she has always wanted to spend a night in a barn. So I'm looking for someone who has a barn that wouldn't mind us spending a night in it. I'm willing to pay a negotiable amount. The ideal barn would be the 'traditional' red/white barn, preferably with dry hay inside for comfort. Thanks.

A roll in the hay on your wedding night? How supremely (dripping sarcasm) romantic. I break out in hives just thinking about it. Alternatively, I imagine this intro line, “Hi, my name is Joseph, and my fiancee, Mary, and I are looking for an affordable place to spend our honeymoon, as we are travelling back to my hometown for a visit...”

Aaaaw... this one gives me warm fuzzies:

Wanted: my wife and i are having a baby boy on april 28 and looking for a place to spend her confinement (while we're waiting for the baby), i know this is kind of last minute but someone backed out on me. we will be staying there for maybe 2-3.5 weeks. preferably a house/apartment close to st Boniface hospital or any bus that goes there, so if you don't mind us watching your apartment or living with you and waiting for a tiny baby with us.

If Kijiji had been operating in Bethlehem back in the day, Joseph and Mary might have found alternative arrangements. But then what of the couple who is looking for a barn? To each his/her own!

Posted on April 11:

If you're in Winnipeg for long or short term work or study project and need a friendly home, I am looking for a pet-free female for a furnished and bed bug free room. I'm late 30s, female and like if we can say "hi, how's your day" in the hall once in awhile.

If advertising a bed-bug free room is really necessary, that makes me kind of nervous. I can manage the occasional 'hi', however.

This group sounds interesting:

A huge room (complete with king sized bed and decorated with beautiful Indian fabrics) in a large, funky home in the west end is available from June 1 until Aug 31, 2011. We don't have cable (we don't watch TV). The house is really wonderful. It has a huge living room, dining room and kitchen (with enough space to hoola hoop in all 3 rooms!), along with a comfy 'pillow room' where we hang out and smoke hookah, which is also where our couchsurfers stay when they're wandering through. Anna (a cooky, fun loving playwright) and Adam (a creative Mr. Fix It) will be living here. It's a fun house, we're super open minded and crafty, we love to cook, we love to dance, we laugh a lot!

I'm thinking there's a grow-op in the basement.

And my personal favourite:

Hi my name is Dwayne – 34 year old male looking for an easy going roommate! prefer female roommates as i have had better experiences than males. anyone has anything gimme a shout!

He appears to be using his Facebook profile pic, complete with Oilers hat (which automatically makes him a good guy???). Have I stumbled onto eHarmony/Lavalife/Plenty of Fish speed-dating wherein you agree to cohabit with the candidate on first meeting? Is he looking for an easy-going roommate, or an easy roommate? And no doubt he's had better experiences with females than males... bahaha! Yes, my mind goes to the dirtiest and skankiest of possibilities, but if you were my dad, my brother, or a male friend, would you let me stay with 34 year-old Dwayne? Let's be honest, folks... We like to assume the best in people, but sometimes the best we can do is assume the worst.

PS – This doesn't count as procrastinating. I found these while doing perfectly legitimate house-hunting.