Dear Government,
Given our recent interactions, I am truly impressed at both your size and scope. I am currently uncertain as to my deepest feelings about you... whether I want to see you shed some unnecessary pounds, or if I like your oh-so-ample curves just the way they are; whether I love all the lovely gifts you give to me and all my friends, or if I resent the fact that it seems like our relationship is all give and no take. I will speak on that subject more decisively in about an hour at Station 30 in the privacy of my voting booth.
However, the purpose of this letter is to suggest to you that the oft-quoted verse "Do not let the right hand know what the left hand is doing" does not apply to you in the same way that it would an ordinary citizen (I say that in a falsely flattering tone). You see, the fact that it takes up to 2 months for my file to be updated in one area of your massive body, with the information being passed to other relevant areas only in the distant and very tentative future seems a slightly excessive. Please let your right hand know what the left hand is doing, as it would have saved me at least five phone calls today, and innumerable minutes on hold as I waited for the right and left hands to figure out their cognitive difficulties.
Many thanks,
Jennifer
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