"Bless the moment... and the years will be their own blessing. Many of us
live life in a rush because it allows us to believe we are going somewhere."
-Jacob the Baker-


Monday, October 11, 2010

unpack your bags and plant your trees

i think it started early this week
when i made some smart-ass, sarcastic, flippant comment
about mosquitoes 
lack of mountains 
and feeling homeless
about leaving Manitoba in april 
and never looking back.

and a friend's insightful comments
peered into my rootlessness 
and saw me
the backlash another smart-ass, sarcastic, totally uncalled-for dig
a witty "thanks, counselor..."
slamming the door shut

and a moment caught off-guard, stumbling awkwardly
in small-talk around a potluck
at a simple "so where are you from?" inquiry
forced to explain 
my standard "where-are-you-from" answer
rejected by one to whom i had given
one of my other standard stock answers

this week, my Father's mischievous smile 
prompting, prodding me past the shame of my immaturity
daring my adventurer's heart to risk being at home
in the awkward steps of an uncomfortable dance
to be known again, to again know deeply

"Community calls me.  Stronger than therapy, more than medicine - what do I really need?  All human beings, all deities hurt you in the end; I know this.  It's a matter of degree, a matter of choice.  Can I accept the hurt, trade it for the pretend fullness?  Can I fling myself into the void, knowing the bottom is strewn with shards of glass, knowing the bottom might just kill me if I land on it wrong, in an effort to find something meaningful simply in the falling?  I want so much more with my life.  I want to make a difference.  I want to be the kind of person I expect others to be.  I want community..."
 (from Renee Altson's "Stumbling Toward Faith")

They say that home is where the heart is.
I guess I haven't found my home.
And we keep driving round in circles,
Afraid to call this place our home.
And are we there yet?
(from Igrid Michaelson's "Are we there yet?")


"Wherever you go in life, unpack your bags - physically and mentally - and plant your trees.  Too many people never live in the now because they assume the time is too short to settle in.  They don't plant trees because they expect to be gone before the trees bear fruit.  But if you keep thinking about the next move, you'll never live fully where are are.  When it's time to go, then it's time to go, but you won't have missed what this experience was about.  If you never eat from the trees, someone else will." 
(from a father's letter to his daughter in Third Culture Kids)

1 comment:

Kerry said...

I will hoping & praying for you to experience home even in barren Manitoba, in the people around you.